Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
