Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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