So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
