This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
