Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
