Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize