we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
