All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
