Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
