Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize