Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
