somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
