she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
