frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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