I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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