yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
