and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
