my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize