And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
