It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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