So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
