12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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