yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Alive.
So much puke
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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