why didn't you poke me back
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she smelled like a LAN party
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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