And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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