What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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