$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
