well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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