Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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