and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
