Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
