That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize