its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
