He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My ass is underappreciated
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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