singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize