we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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