i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
