My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
