Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
