I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize