problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
