I wanna passion pit in your ass
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
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