Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
