I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
