i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
