dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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