I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
