dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
