dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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