I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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