I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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