I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
