I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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