you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
