Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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