I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Randomize
