okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
