her vagina looked like bernie madoff
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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