Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize