So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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