OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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