I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize