Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
