hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
