i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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