So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
